I’ve been spending a lot of time today reading and commenting on sober blogs. I’ve been trying to make this part of my sober work each day, as I think that’s what I need to be doing at the moment. I do worry that I’m spending too much time doing this, and other jobs are being neglected, but I also recognize that if I’m managing to get through each day without drinking, then my homework is being effective.
But when I find that someone hasn’t posted for several days or weeks, or even – as I discovered today – a whole blog appears to have been deleted, then I panic. Where are they? What has happened? I find that it worries me. I realise that I won’t always post every day (after my 30 days, I think I will post slightly less often), but I have this horrible thought that one day I will delete my blog, that I will go back to drinking and not tell anyone and the blog will no longer work. These thoughts are exacerbated by my dream last night in which – and I kid you not – I sipped steadily a whole bottle of brandy. Brandy! And Christopher Reeve of Superman fame came back to life and helped me drink it. Now what is THAT all about???
I am so immersed in my attempts to stay sober that I think I’m going slightly mad.