Mid-week muddle

So there I was, bowling along feeling just a little bit pleased with myself that I’d achieved my 30 days and was moving slowly beyond that… and BAM! I start to have bad cravings again, as though I’m back in the first week. Yikes. My thoughts have started wandering to the idea of sinking my head into a huge glass of wine again. I think it’s this drinks party which is looming on Friday. I need to be able to resist the glass of prosecco which will be waiting for me, along with all the other glasses of prosecco, all lined up in a neat row as they are at drinks parties. It’s a parents’ event at my youngest daughter’s school, and in the past has been quite a jolly affair. If I don’t drink there, it’ll be the first time I’ve been to this party without drinking, and I’ve been for many years. So I guess it’s on my mind a bit, and I’ve been flirting with the idea of this being the moment when I ‘relax’ and drink again.

I am torn. I like my new sober life, and I think it works well, but I do still miss parts of the other life. I want it all: sober and… well, not sober, I suppose.

Sorry, I wanted to keep an upbeat note after yesterday’s post, but today I don’t feel so upbeat.

15 thoughts on “Mid-week muddle”

  1. Annie – this is more a rant at schools than you, by why is it felt appropriate to have alcohol at a primary school parent’s evening?! It’s my children’s school one in a week or so and we’ll be offered tea/coffee/biscuits – no booze!! You shouldn’t have to be worrying about drinking alcohol at a school event!!

    1. You’re right, but this is in fact a social event for parents, a proper party, as opposed to a parent/teacher thing. But coffee and tea would be preferable for me on this occasion! Annie x

      1. Ahh apologies on my behalf then 🙂 Do you have to go?? Putting yourself in triggery situations where you used to drink this early on is making life very tough on yourself xx

  2. Annie, it sucks the way the cravings sneak up on you. it happens to me in the middle of the day sometimes– a time I wouldn’t have been drinking when I was drinking! Yesterday I had to stop myself from buying cranberry juice, my favorite mix with vodka…
    I guess we just have to think “no one ever died from NOT having a drink”…..
    18 days for me today in rainy New York… hang in there

  3. Unfortunately this is something only you can decide. But know that no matter what you decide…we’ll all still be out here supporting you. You’ll figure this out.

    Sherry

  4. To be honest, I think skipping the event would be best. You don’t *have* to do this, and you know it will be tough. Skipping it now doesn’t by any means mean that you can never socialise sober, but it is such early days. Go easy on yourself. Get an early night, and get yourself a nice treat the following morning. Make a coffee date with a friend so you can do the easy sober socialising. Best of luck 🙂 xx

  5. I agree that skipping it might be an idea.
    What do you miss about your old life? Honestly? What don’t you miss?

    Have the changes brought about by not drinking outweighed the losses?

    It is always tempting to romanticize the glass of champagne at a toast. It’s harder for me to romanticize the nights I sat drinking alone on the couch, full of self pity.

    I expect. You will be suprised at the number of parents who choose to not drink at a school event.

    Behind you all the way!

    Anne

  6. Hi Annie
    Really feeling for you! This sucks BIG TIME. Can you send hubby along and you be ‘sick’. Be kind to yourself
    and focus, one day at a time !!!!
    Hugs. Xxx

  7. I am hearing you loud and clear. I made it through 30 days yesterday and starting on 31. The weekend looms with a trip to Florida planned. Not sure how I’ll make it through. I would skip event too, if you can.

  8. I went back and read your very first post. It seems that you have tried to moderate in the past, and that you were unable to do so. However, you could of course try moderation again, perhaps you will have better luck.

    You have come a long way but it seems that you are really struggling, and not really happy with your choice to give up drinking. Perhaps you are not quite ready yet. I think you should talk with a doctor, there are medications that can ease anxiety and depression during stressful times, and this is definitely a stressful time.

    I also would not see the decision to drink or not as a the last chapter in the story. If you drink Friday, you will probably learn something, maybe it will reinforce that you really can’t drink, and stopping drinking will be easier the next time round. Maybe you will find that you can moderate, although your prior experience suggests that this may not be the case. Either way, you have learned a lot these last 30 days and you have done something many people are unable to do–30 days without alcohol-big achievement.

  9. Hope things are well Annie.
    I think sober has been working out pretty well for you!
    Why go back to what didn’t work?
    Sober momentum is hard to achieve.
    Starting over again at day 1 is harder every time, which is I guess how I ended up at 10 months. I didn’t want to do that again!

    It’s almost impossible Tito make a life choice of this magnitude and not have fear. Fear of giving up and losing out. But fear holds us back.

    Hope you are good. Whatever you decide.

  10. Hi annie! Where are you, we said we’d be there for each other….if u have been drinking, just write about it. We are all wanting to be here for you and care about you. Reach out and share….please. no one is judging you!

  11. Hi Annie

    Please post – we’re all rooting for you and I for one recognise all of the things you’ve written about, including the cravings that just sneak up unexpectedly when we thought we were past that stage.

    If I were someone who could have moderated, or drink and not get drunk most of the time, I’d still be drinking.

    If my partner didn’t get it, I’d explain very carefully what, undoubtedly, assuredly, certainly will happen if I carry on doing so. It is a one way journey for me and getting him to understand that was very important.

    And if I fall off the wagon (Day 70 today) I will get back on, because I prefer this life to the one I had before. It’s not perfect, it’s tough sometimes and it hurts a bit sometimes, but it doesn’t hurt half as much as waking up thinking, ‘Oh God, what did I do last night?’ Two ibuprophen always killed the headache but never the disappointment in myself.

    Huge hugs for you.
    Sara

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