Can it possibly be Day 1 again? Again? I don’t think I should get hung up on this; it’s just another day where I try again. But there do seem to be some sad patterns emerging. And there have been many other sober attempts over the years, not just since I started reading sober blogs and writing my own. I’ve been circling this area for a long time.
In the lull between my goodbye for the moment post and yesterday’s one, I decided that it would be really fun to drink at weekends. I’d have a nice, clear sober week, and then on Friday I would have a few sparkly drinks and be normal. I stocked up my supermarket trolley with fine wines, sherry (sherry? Why sherry?) and prosecco and made a drinking plan for the weekend. As soon as my husband came home on Friday evening, I sat him down and got him to drink with me. But there was a problem: he wasn’t feeling well, he didn’t want to drink over the weekend, and suddenly my drinking plans looked ridiculous. I proceeded to drink anyway, telling myself that it was fantastic to be back to how I wanted to be, free to drink. By Sunday evening, I was opening a bottle of wine late at night, in anticipation of there still being some left for Monday.
What a load of rubbish. From the very first sip on Friday night, I felt a deep sense of how precarious my situation was. And by Sunday, when I’d already woken up with a headache but found myself pouring sherry at midday I knew that this just wasn’t going to work. I had to stop.
You see, I have to stop.
As I enter yet another attempt at a sober run, I think I need to think small to start with. I need to get through these first few days, I need to get through Friday and Saturday evenings which are just my biggest biggest triggers. I need to break the pattern.