Don’t look forward

I think it’s called Future Tripping, when you worry about how you’re going to get/stay sober at an event in the future. I was listening to a recent Bubble Hour episode about triggers and Ellie was saying something about there never being a ‘good’ time to get sober; the best time was now. It certainly wasn’t ideal for me to start this sober stretch a couple of days before New Year’s Eve, but I did it, and I felt good about it.

However, some things are looming which are causing me some anxiety on the sober front: visitors this weekend, and a few weekends down the line, a weekend away with my husband (without the kids). I’m preparing for the visitors and think I have quite a positive mindset for how to deal with it (mocktails for everyone??) but the ‘romantic’ trip away? – that’s trickier. I have NEVER been away with my husband without drinking; never. Almost without exception, short breaks with him have involved drinking which I’ve really enjoyed, rather than mindless, numbing, weekday drinking. I am not sure how I’m going to cope with this, how I’m going to be able to reinvent this.

But look at me… I’m future tripping. Mustn’t do that. Rather, let me deal with today, Day 9, Wednesday, another sober step forward.

8 thoughts on “Don’t look forward”

  1. Yes. Focus on today. Keep the house filled with af drinks and sober treats.
    Remind yourself in the morning that you don’t drink. Just for today.

    As an aside, you could consider cancelling your romantic trip if it serms like it will be a problem. Or delaying it until you are more comfortable.

    Anne

  2. Go Annie go!! You’re doing great :). It’s hard to stay entirely in the present and it is good to some extent to know what’s ahead and have a little plan, like you do for the visitors, so you don’t just blindly fall into perilous situations without being prepared.

    Re the weekend away with hubs, I did that on my first long term stint with sobriety – romantic weekend away w/o kids, and I hadn’t even really told him that I’d altogether QUIT alcohol, so it was all very rough edges, and I was about 2-3 weeks sober. It went fine – we were in a lovely beach place and I enjoyed that more than I ever would have with alcohol, hangovers, blackouts, etc. I also totally enjoyed the food more, and I got extra special mocktails every where we went – that helped, and so did luxe desserts (which I never even got to or remembered when drinking). AND – the sleeping in without kids etc was so much nicer without hangover, night sweats and all that other not-fun stuff. If it’s really troubling, maybe hubs could go AF or at least minimize? Even if he doesn’t,it is in the future and you will feel stronger and more resolved/committed by then. You can do it, and you will :). Hope this helps!

    Hugs,

    SR

  3. Hey there I found this really useful for me as I’m also on holiday soon in a group and its in a place we always go and there’s always lots of booze.

    So I can’t think about it, good advice there. Thank you.

    For xmas i bought myself a pair of ‘sober pjs’ to wear if I got through the hard evening and a sober treat for each day and that worked for me. And these visitors were drinking alot, but they took care of themselves and my husband did the host bit so I didn’t get involved with it aside cooking. I didnt’ touch a bottle never mind a drop.

    As for the romantic weekend, we had our wedding anniversary two weeks into my being sober went away. It was hard, but a sober angel appeared (the barman started talking about being sober, how odd was that) and somehow I got through it all. My hubby had one drink, I had nothing but water. And we had a lovely cosy time and a cracking hangover free breakfast, guilt free which I enjoyed all the more.

    Hugs and you’ll fathom it. I’m feeling so much closer with mine now that I’m sober, aside his snoring. Sigh. I think I need ear plugs

    x

  4. I love that – future tripping. I’m doing that right now with my birthday coming up and a weekend away. Staying in the moment, thinking through the drink, one day at a time – all that will help us. Lately the O’Doul’s and virgin drinks are helping me too. And the desserts!

    Good luck – you’re doing great.

  5. I think that a sober weekend away could have different upsides. Breakfast, puddings, good sleep and no hangovers for starters…I guess it’s about reframing your expectations of what a romantic weekend ‘should be’ into what it ‘could be.’ X

  6. Two words…Sober Sex.

    It’s not the same for everyone but for me? It was so much better during and after (mainly because I could remember it).

    Romantic weekends are hard – I’ll give you that. Two years ago and hubs and I went away for our 30th anniversary. Plain and simple? It was boring. But not in an “I’m not drinking so I’m bored” kind of way. More of an “We need to figure out something besides a fancy hotel and dinner” kind of way.

    Now we kick the kids out and just have the house to ourselves for the weekend. For us old people…sooooo much better.

    All that to say that you may have to redefine what these getaways look like. Do things that make you happy NOW rather than what made you happy back then.

    But just do it one day at a time.

    Sherry

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