Friday evening, otherwise known as Day 1. Our friends are arriving in a few hours and I have a plan.  Prepare supper, lay the table, then have a bath. It sounds crazy, but when I stopped having those baths in the evenings, my sobriety faltered. It can’t be that simple! Of course it’s not, but the successful aspects of my sober routine last time – the baths, the mocktails – really did seem to help me, so I need to put those back in place and make them sacred.

I do feel nervous. Not about this evening, but about embarking on this again. When I let things slip, and went back to my normal drinking, I allowed myself to sink into a lazy way of thinking, and for a while this relaxed mode felt good to me; because I tend to be quite controlled, and like things to be ‘just so’. It’s one of the major reasons why I drink, because I like losing the controlled feeling. I’d like to find ways in which I can feel relaxed, but not with a wine glass in hand.

I am also seeking help in other ways. I can’t just do the sober plan of old and expect it to work, magically. I need to change things. One of my sober friends – you know who you are! – has sent me a list of treats she uses which help her, because I have never got the treat thing to work. I may buy a treat once in 3 weeks, but that’s it. This time, I’m going to try and get something little every few days, or even every day. I have also asked for more help from Belle. And my friends here on A Dappled Path – I ask you to help me too. I am grateful that you are here, and I need you.

As for other forms of help – groups, therapy etc. – I don’t like to write about these on my blog, but please don’t assume I’m not looking into them. Because I am!

15 thoughts on “Plans”

  1. Good for you. I just ordered my first treat box from Belle– I’m so excited.
    Hope tonight goes easy for you. I will be up all night here in NY working, I will be thinking of you.

  2. Hey there. I’m glad you’re back. Please get some in-person help? We’re all here in your corner but nothing beats a face-to-face meeting.

  3. So happy to hear you’ve asked Belle for more help. Had even thought of giving her your name to see if she could send some encouragement your way. She has helped me more than she knows, day 168 for me with her help. Actually though your blog was one of the first I read back in Sept. when I began this journey. You helped then and I only hope I can give back.
    Mary. 💗💗

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