Someone recently commented that I was attention-seeking in my blog. I have been worrying about this over the past few days. I like writing here because it helps me process my thoughts, and keep track of my sober days. But attention-seeking? I had never thought of it in that way, and it troubles me.
Anyway, Day one today and I feel determined. I am 100% fed up with the cycle of drinking that I’ve been stuck in, and I am climbing out and heading to a better place. That makes it sound like I’m dying…
My sober journey is so imperfect. Way back when I started this blog, I had a vision of how it was all going to be; it has not gone according to plan, and I feel as though I am finding (and losing) my way slowly slowly slowly. Primrose posted a short video about self-compassion on her blog today (takinganewpath) and it made me realise that I need to be gentler with myself. I’m so all or nothing. I was listening to The Bubble Hour earlier, and Ellie was talking about how hard it is in early sobriety to be kind to oneself, not to give up if you slip up. So many times in recent months, I have given up trying because things haven’t gone ‘perfectly’. I need to move forward with greater self-compassion, and respect for myself, I think.
Oh no – now I think that sounds self-centred! Attention-seeking, even? Or just seeking?