One of the people who comments on my blog and with whom I have a regular email correspondence emailed me recently and said that if I want to get sober: don’t drink, go to meetings and see my counsellor. That’s what I’m doing. Well, not the counsellor, as he is on holiday, but the other things. I’ve got up earlier than usual this morning, to write here, and to read a few other blogs, and to be calm before the day starts.
I think and I think and I think, and it gets exhausting, because that’s when I overthink, and worry about too many things; so for the moment, I’m trying to keep it simpler. I need to look after my family, and myself; I need to work hard, as it’s getting very busy there; and I need to not drink, and go to meetings, and see my counsellor (when he’s back).
And if I do all those things today, I’ll feel good, and be happy that I’m sober. Then I’ll try and do the same things tomorrow.
Thank you all for your wise words, and for your love and support. I appreciate everyone who reads and writes here, and I am grateful for the community.
A Dappled Path 
All you can do is your best, nothing more. My parents always used to tell me that before an exam and it took so much pressure off me. Mindfulness teaches living in the present moment, not viewing the past with regret or looking towards the future with fear, just being in the present moment. One step at a time, one minute at a time, nothing more. Are you doing ok right now, right at this moment? That is all that truely matters. Tonight will come, Fridays will come but projecting our fears towards the future and what may or may not happen are fruitless. Take care xx
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Hey Annie, I’ve just found your blog and what you’re saying about over thinking really resonates with me. It can grind you down so much so well done you for focussing in on what really matters.
I’m only a little ahead of you but I promise it starts to feel more normal. Day 3…go conquer that b*tch!
Hi Annie, I’m back on Day 1 again 😦 Cannot believe how stupid I have been. I was so much happier the days I didn’t drink and now I feel miserable. But onwards and upwards, today I’m really feeling I deserve to be happy so self sabotage is no longer an option. Big hugs xx
You are so right about the circular thinking. In the space of a few hours, if I listen to my brain, I can go from deciding on rehab to deciding on drinking at lunchtime. All drinking begins with thinking. When I start to consider how sad life will be without drinking, how hard it’s going to be, or how I should really try to get in one last binge before quitting, I’ve already tilted the odds in favor of the drink. What I have learned is that that voice is the voice of the addiction, not me. I try to watch the thought as it occurs so that it can’t sneak under the wire, trying to get a foot in the door so that I am led down the wrong path (again.) That thought wants me dead. I used to kind of roll my eyes when I’d hear that at meetings because it didn’t apply to me and was kind of dramatic. Now I know it’s true, and that the odds are stacked in its favor. I have to control my thoughts if I’m going to beat this. Other people have done this in much worse circumstances. That means I can do it too.
Hang in there, Annie!
I like that “all drinking begins with thinking”. Thanks for that tidbit of thought.
It’s nice that sooner or later (from what I hear), I won’t have to be so vigilant about these rogue thoughts. They still reappear pretty often, but I’m getting better at dismissing them immediately.
I’ve been on a blogging hiatus because I really needed some quiet from the constant thoughts about drinking or not drinking. I really needed to think about what was working, and what I was doing – blogging and joining online sobriety communities – was not working. It just wasn’t. I needed to go inwards. I remember when I was giving birth and, to get through that pain, I put on my headphones, shut out everyone around me and went deep inside myself to cope with that. While I’ll probably be back, at the moment I am finding a certain solace in only having to be accountable to myself, not having anyone or anything to blame and not having to fight my natural tendency to rebel against other people’s advice (even if it is great advice). Yoga is a really important part of finding that place of stillness for me, where I am able to go beyond the thoughts and the cravings and focus myself elsewhere. I have been reading your blog and hoping so hard for you that you can find what you need to get through the early days.
One of the best gifts, that arrived pretty early days, was a beautiful calm in my head. All the yammering and guilt and fault-finding…..just got quiet and moved on. I hope it will be like that for you. But you have to give sober a chance.
Sounds like a solid plan — solid and certainly doable. Minute by minute for now, and soon it will be hours, then days. You can do this.
What a wonderful routine you’ve made. I find I write and reflect best in the morning. And if I’m reflecting on recovery, it helps me all the more be sober that day. Is it OK to add you to my site in the ‘blog roll’ so your new posts show up on my site? It is http://www.markgoodson.com
Annie, isn’t it going to be great when you quit thinking about drinking? What are you going to plant in all that reclaimed real estate? Beautiful things! It won’t happen right away, and there will probably never be a day you don’t think about drinking, but it won’t be because you want it or need it, it will be because you’re so grateful to have survived it.
Well done on day 3 Annie. Keep going. Minute by minute if you have to. I am here for you. A x
Well done on day 3…try not to thing too much and don’t put so much pressure on yourself to get thing done. Even if they don’t get done, believe me, they will still be there. Focus on you first, do what makes you happy, comfortable and at ease…just take it easy for today. You have a plan and kept to it 🙂 Sending you hugs and support, you can do this!!!!
Sending positive thoughts and big hugs your way Annie. Just looked back on my blog. Back to my final day 1. You were one of the first to reach out to me. I’m always grateful to you for that and continue to support you. No matter where you are on this journey.
Hug. Keep trying.
Anne