Problems

Round and round I go, always trying to find another way out; but I know that I need to be back here, and that I need to be alcohol free.

I have been very busy at work, fine during the day and functioning well, but drinking at night: appearing to hold the whole thing together, but feeling dizzy and odd. I wake in the night and know that my hold is illusory.

Since I went back to work, my drinking has definitely escalated.

I am worried that one day I won’t find my way back here.

So I am trying again. From today, I will not drink.

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32 thoughts on “Problems”

  1. Keep going, this might be the one to stick. I remember that feeling of disconnect from my life and myself so clearly yet it’s so easy to slip back into old ways. I’m so pleased you’re back, I enjoy reading your updates and I’m cheering you on.

  2. I check in on you daily, and worry about you when you are not there… so glad to see you back and continuing to try. Hang in there – it’s gonna work because you are determined to keep working at it.

  3. So glad you posted. So much love and supported for you on here lots of us checking in to see if you are okay. Life is so clear when not blurred with a drink xx

  4. Hug.
    The stress of holding it together is so hard.
    You are holding on to the wrong thing. Let go of the wine and let yourself fly.

    Hug. Gather together all your support. I’m holding your hand, dear Annie.
    Consider treatment again…

  5. I am back too, after 6 weeks of heavy drinking. But I had a terrible drunk experience that definitely made me realise I can’t continue down that path. It scared me so much. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone but at the same time it might have saved me. I hope you find a way out too xx

  6. Welcome back Annie! Remember, the definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Do something different this time! We’re all with you. Hugs and love.

  7. It is so hard! Especially alone. Please consider AA. I went back 19 days ago and i wouldn’t have made it this far without it. Go back and be honest and open. They’re there with support and no judgements

  8. You’re not alone. I, too, am struggling through this. Day one starts again for me every few days. It’s so difficult.. we must keep trying to work through the struggle!

  9. Annie, its not working. Go see your GP and explain that you need some positive intervention. I am 10 years too late in getting to where I am now – what a colossal waste of a decade – all those opportunities gone for ever. Although I do count myself lucky to be able to write these comments to you. You can only start down the road by spending some days and evenings not picking up a drink, really, almost nothing else matters. So, take a day off work and book an appointment with your GP. I don’t think AA or therapists or the internet is going to cut it for you.

    Justonemore

    1. When I went to see my GP, she said I was fine, and that AA was for ‘addicts’. That put me off for a long time. I have been in and out of AA. But I hear you…it hasn’t worked for me so far. Annie x

  10. Welcome back Annie. What are you going to do differently this time ? I know you have said your GP said you are fine but you’re not are you ? If AA is for addicts – that’s what you are isn’t it? I am too.

    I asked my counsellor and my GP for years whether they thought I was an alcoholic. I didn’t tell them the truth so they couldn’t assess. In any event if they had said I was an alcoholic it would just have pissed me off. You know the truth and that’s what matters. Much as I wish you could I honestly don’t think you can do this alone and I don’t think blogging here and occasional AA meetings and therapy, whilst important, are enough. Sorry to sound hard. Tori X

  11. Annie, names and labels don’t always help. Part of my problem was never really admitting the reality of my drinking – 20+ units a day – day after day, although I fooled myself into thinking I was OK because I often didn’t drink on school nights, except I often did. I wouldn’t describe or want to be described as an alcoholic because I don’t drink Tenants super strength or vodka and I don’t live on a park bench – mmmmmmm, there are parallels that apply and I see something of myself in a lot of people who have truly reached rock bottom – actually I am an alcoholic or I am an alcoholic drinker, either way I have a significant problem with controlling my relationship with alcohol. I have never been entirely honest with my GP and I think you have to be persuasive because most GPs don’t want to engage with the moderately well-heeled drinker who hasn’t completely crashed. I even paid for a relatively expensive liver scan and then ignored the fucking advice I was given by the consultant and drank on for another 5 or so years. I think most of us here know we have a problem (or why would we be here in these pages?) but it takes a few more steps to grasp the reality of what we need to do next. I don’t see the point of AA or the endless books and pseudo therapists other than they help steer you (or me) in a new direction but the reality is that only you can choose not to pick up the bottle and glass unless the next step is putting yourself either in a place where you can’t drink (rehab) or using a drug regime to break the cycle long enough to give your brain a chance to re-cock. Anyway, lots of people out here thinking of you and hoping that you don’t pick up the bottle tonight.

    Justonemore

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